Bawas!!

A popular parsee - Jamshedji Dinshawji Ardeshir. Like every other Parsi, Jamshedji was bragging to his boss one day,
'You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone... anyone, and I know them.'
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Jamshedji, how about Tom Cruise?'
'Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.'

So Jamshedji Dinshawji Ardesir and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door.
Sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, 'Jamshedji Bawa! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in
and join me for lunch!' Although impressed, Jamshedji's boss is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Jamshedji Dinshawji Ardeshir that he thinks Jamshedji's knowing
Cruise was just lucky.
'No, no, just name anyone else,' Jamshedji says.
'President Bush,' his boss quickly retorts.
'Yes,' Jamshedji Dinshawji Ardeshir says, 'I know him, let's fly out to Washington.'

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Jamshedji Dinshawji Ardeshir on the tour and motions him
and his boss over, saying, 'Jamshedji Bawaji... WHAT A SURPRISE!! I was just on my way to a meeting,
but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up.'
Well, the boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Jamshedji who again implores him
to name anyone else.
'THE POPE,' his boss replies.
'Sure!' says Jamshedji 'I have a lot of friends in Rome, and I've known the Pope since he was elected.'

So off they fly to Rome.
Jamshedji and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Jamshedji says,
'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what... I know
all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.'

So he disappears into the crowd, headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later
Jamshedji Dinshawji Ardeshir emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Jamshedji returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by
paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Jamshedji Dinshawji Ardeshir asks him, 'What happened?'

His boss looks up and says, 'I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and
the man next to me said 'Who's that on the balcony with Jamshedji'" ?


Moral of the story - Don't ever under-estimate a Parsi again !!!
(The world would be a dull place without these madcap "Bawas")

Aviation Jokes

ATC Quotes

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

Control tower to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough for another one."

Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,... and I didn't land."

Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"